As Martin said to Xanthe
As they played with wooden toys.
"You may have Wendy's playhouse,
But where the hell's your boy?"

As Paul said to Fifi
As they eyed each other up,
You may have better plimpsoles
But you can't pee standing up."

And I'd like to take time to bite
Their neck and make it bleed
Or maybe I could cut holes in their
Daddy's Harris Tweed

Chorus:
And I can't put my finger on it
Maybe it's something in their food
And I can't put my finger on it
All I know Christ would've sued.

As Sharon said to Jamie
As they sat down for a chat
"If you think I'm cooking dinner,
Well, prepare to eat dead rat."

As Debbie said to Alex
As they held hands in the park,
"How comes you wear Rupert Check
When you think you're so hard."

I should've done his Land Rover
To let him know I'd been,
Instead I wrote "F' off"
On the dirt across his screen

Chorus.

I wish I'd let them know I was here
A drop of arsenic in the wine,
Sulfuric acid in the bee